Okay, I’ve got to vent for a minute here, because this is really starting to strike a nerve with me.
What is up with our society and gender indoctrination? My 17-month-old son has just joined his very first peer group; nursery (sunday school for toddlers). And for the first few visits, I have accompanied him. I have noticed that the adults in the class put a large emphasis on gender roles. “Max is the only boy in class today”, “Oh look, another boy for you to play with”, “That’s a good ‘boy’ toy to play with Max” etc… Now I know they are just chatting and playing with the kids and it’s not them I am mad at. This is bigger than a nursery issue; this is everywhere in our society.
When I am somewhere with my son and someone offers him a balloon and they ask me what color I want, I say I don’t care, and I really don’t. If he reaches for the pink balloon I will give him the pink one. COLORS DO NOT HAVE GENDER!!! This is something society made up. I have never heard any scientific studies that prove some colors to be more feminine than others.
When an androgynous looking person posts a video on youtube, it sparks a huge debate over the sex of said person, and people demand that this person state whether they are a boy or girl, like the ambiguousness of it is offensive and too difficult for them to handle. Why do people feel such a strong need to fit people into one of two slots?
The issue of homosexuality seems to be more concerned if a man is feminine than if he is having sex with anyone. Why can’t a strait man be feminine or woman masculine? Why is “gay” a label that seems to follow mannerisms more than sexuality?
A friend recently commented on facebook that she wanted to change the diaper brand for her 1 year old son because the new design on her old brand was too “girly” I asked her why she felt the need to gender indoctrinate at such a young age. Her response was that she didn’t want to give anyone ammunition for teasing him. Is that what we’ve come to that we feel the need to push our infants into a gender mold before they’re old enough to walk? That we are so afraid of not fitting the mold society has created that we have to shield our infants from ridicule over the color of a diaper?
Why do I care? Discrimination and bullying are big issues in our society. Prejudice and intolerance breed hatred and cruelty. What is so threatening about a girl with baggy pants or a boy who loves flowers? What are we so afraid of?
Many times children are labeled “gay” and harassed for it long before they’ve reached puberty or even began to think much about sexuality. As a result they are pushed to “out” themselves or confront an issue that they are not ready or mature enough or even interested in dealing with. Where do children learn this behavior, this need to force labels on one another, and fit everyone neatly into their slot? They learn it from their parents, from adults, from nursery teachers.
I do not want my son to be a peg molded to fit into the right hole. Especially when the shape of that hole is dictated by the current whims deemed fit by society for a boy to look/behave. I don’t know how I will feel if my son someday asks to wear a dress to school, I don’t think about that yet, he’s not even 2. But it is sad to think that my sweet precious baby boy should ever have to limit his creativity or his joy over the something as obscure or hollow as gender roles. I don't care which toys he plays with or what colors he likes. I just want him to be curious, creative, confident, brave and compassionate. I want him to look at the world with amazement and see possibilities not limits.
6 comments:
I totally agree. Especially with the homosexuality. I think a lot of time it's other people planting seeds in kids minds that because they aren't "macho" or whatever then they must be gay. It's infereating. You're a good momma :)
Remember when Max was terrified of balloons?!
I think the most important thing is to just let your child know that it is OK to just be who they are. They don't have to be anything else or anything that people expect them to be.
Right now Blakes favorite colour is pink. If he changes his fav. colour then that is fine. I just want him to do it b/c he decided and not b/c he finds that in society "boys aren't suppose to like pink".
It's a tough battle to fight. We can only keep our children from being able to be effected by society for so long.
Good luck! We love Maxcito!
What? Yay! I love that about Blake! What an amazing kid, he is definitely a leader and not a follower!!
An interesting argument, and a definite one. You are right about gender stereotyping and indoctrinating. It is mostly fear that drives it, I believe. Change and unknown and utter revulsion for the pink in life (maybe because it insinuates disgustingly sweet flavors, or because it is the color of that stuff dentist's use *shudder wink*). Really, general defining differences should not be limiting for those that don't particularly conform. But, then, people love company of same types. This is good evidence of a majority of a common type in a particular society.
Amen! I've noticed the same thing in our nursery. It's so funny to hear parents say something like "she's such a girl - she loves wearing my purses and my high heels" when talking about a 20-month old child. Kids aren't even aware of their own sex until closer to age 3. Plus, James loves wearing my purses and trying on my shoes, too. Kids imitate the adults around them, regardless of gender (unless they are gender aware and indoctrinated).
I've wondered if this is especially prevalent in the church because we believe biological sex to be eternal. A lot of people mistake that to mean gender identity, as it currently exists in our culture - a pretty narrow-minded view in my opinion.
Yay!I'm interested to hear how your views and methods to prevent indoctrination evolve as Max grows older and goes to school. Love to read you, Stina, and I will for sure consult with you before doing any foster parenting. Thanks for sharing chika, it's always a pleasure.
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